2008-07-20 - 11:16 p.m.
What a weird existence I am forced to live with. Today is my birthday, but you wouldn't really know it...no one really cares. I thought I didn't care either but it really does seem strange when it isn't acknowledged at all. I wondered today...what kind of a person am I, that no one cares enough to even remember its my birthday. In the age of facebook where a reminder goes out to your "friends" that there is a birthday coming up, and then on the day of that birthday, another reminder that that person is another year older. Even with all this fancy technology and reminders so we don't have to remember on our own...a birthday is still forgotten....or perhaps just not acknowledged. Is it that big of a deal? At first I thought...no...who really cares?...its just a birthday...but then I got to thinking...I have 75 so called friends and not one single Happy Birthday wish sent out. This got me to thinking of other things....like.."can I really call them friends?" and if so..."are these the types of friends I have chosen?" (the ones that forget birthdays). Or perhaps I am the type of person that doesn't deserve a good friend or a happy birthday wish..I just don't know.
I came to the realization today that perhaps I need to change my ways of thinking and acting and reacting. I think I will live in my own world for a bit..keep my opinion to myself..be the quiet one for a bit. This way perhaps I can understand why it is that I live the life that I do. Job, family, "friends"...the whole deal. Perhaps I can make some great changes, meet some awesome people, live healthier and happier...and I hope that I don't learn anymore awful "truths" about myself. I wish people could know who I really was...don't jump to conclusions...and perhaps give me a chance. I am going to try harder than I ever had before...working on becoming healthier and feeling better about myself...and maybe next year I will be worthy of a happy birthday...or maybe I won't....I guess I will know in a year.
