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2012-08-10 - 2:04 p.m.

2012 and I am student debt free....ya right! Oh man, I feel like I have been paying this debt forever...when will it end? Apparently May 2013....we will see about that. I think I put too much emphasis into believing that as soon as I am student debt free my life will be drastically changed. Why have I done this to myself? why have I convinced myself that life is going to be so much better when the student debt is gone? Its just funny....the little things we look forward to, I have been looking forward to paying off that debt for 10 years....all I can do is sit back and smile, and one day...it actually will be paid off.

Work and work, the new position ended up turning into the top position at my business. Was I ready for such a leap? Hells no! I am busting my ass just to keep up and learn as I go. It has been the best experience so far and hopefully it will look good on the resume in the end. But right now, I don't have every answer for every question, something I am struggling with....but learning to find a suitable solution and moving forward. Its hard to be in charge and I wish I had someone to mentor me (that's not going to be the case, I have to keep dreaming!!).

Working for a non-profit organization keeps you on your toes. If there is no funding from the government or through fundraising efforts...jobs are on the line and people are effected. The business is definitely being effected with the state the economy has been in lately. Less funding and no one has money to support charities. Hopefully the centre can hold up...and hopefully things will get better. I don't know where I will be in a year...perhaps working in a completely different area....all I can do is wait it out. I am sticking with the place I am with because I believe in it and will be there until the very last day I am sure. Then I will pack up and move along.

Grandma is doing well. Reading past posts it was definitely touch and go for a while but she is amazing and tough as hell! I value every moment that I get to spend with her. Someone who has been alive since 1918 definitely has amazing stories to tell. She has witnessed a lot of things and is a great storyteller.

I am still at home and still wondering what life has in store for me...husband...kids...being exactly who I am forever? I have no idea...but the older I get, the more I become "ok" with not having any of it. I would be ok with a change but its not often that this occurs late in life...but you never know, I am open to the possibility...always. Its almost becoming unbelievable what I have not experienced. Will I regret this one day? Some of it I already do....but what can I do about it now?. I can't live in the past because it cannot be changed.

So I guess this entry was a bit ambivalent with regards to happy or sad thoughts. I guess its somewhere in between. Sometimes everything I just wrote about makes me very sad and other days I just accept it as reality and that it "could be worse". Guess what? It could be worse.

 

 

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