2016-02-02 - 8:37 p.m.
I am slowly being pushed out. I hate selfish people and I seem to find myself surrounded by so many of them. My mom and my sister are so impulsive and made ridiculous life choices. They continue to make impulsive and ridiculous life choices. Someone so desperate to have a grandchild and someone who feels the selfish need to have a baby fix their problems = disaster. I feel like I have bailed my mom out so many times. Now, I have to sit back and watch as they ruin my life.
As talk of baby increases, talk of pushing me out naturally flows from their mouths. Even if they don't realize what they are saying, their actions and the future tell a different story. Awful and selfish people. My sister cannot even afford to take care of herself. She lives in my house (the one I own with my mom) for free and will take over my house with her selfish act. She talks about all the help she will get from myself and my mother. she cannot count on me. I am being forced into a situation I did not ask for. My mom will pay dearly for her mistake since she will have to support this grandchild of hers. I am afraid I may love this baby less. It wasn't fair to put me in this position. Its not fair to bring a child into this situation. I am not an awful person but these thoughts seem so awful.
There is no easy solution for me. I am tired, and I am tired of being judged. I am tired of people suggesting I am gay because I am single. What is up with that? How did single become gay? Why is the next question after "are you single?" always "Are you gay?" . I am not gay, I am just alone and hoping someone will take a chance on me (Mama Mia song just popped into my head lol). I am tired of people assuming I can just up and leave my OWN home with no plan. Judgement is such an awful thing.
So I guess I need to make a plan. What is happening will inevitably stress me out to the point that I won't be able to function. Time to get back into the things I love. Time to stay away from my stress (my own home). Time to plan my escape. Since I am being forced out anyway, I might as well make it look like I was always planning to leave.
