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2014-06-05 - 10:14 p.m. It has been 6 months since you left us. I miss you every day and wish we had more time together. I am just sitting here and crying. No one tries to help me, they forget that I always had you. I may have seemed strong but it was you that helped to keep me grounded. I don't trust that I can make the right decisions for my life. Right now I would be content to let it pass me by. Opportunities scare me, they don't excite me. I always called you when I wasn't sure. You were always open minded and never judged. You listened, and understood my madness. We talked through things and no question or worry was ever "stupid". My anxiety never made you angry. Your reassurance calmed me. You made me feel safe when I was scared. You gave me hope and made me feel brilliant and worthy of things. I cannot call upon anyone to do the same for me. We used to talk for hours about life and it seemed like mere seconds. Our time was precious and meaningful. It's hard to find "meaningful" in my life these days. I want to be successful and happy and healthy but its hard for me to try. No one will talk through the options, no one understands me like you did. Mom even said to me tonight "this is something you would have called your Grandma to ask, she would have known". Mom is right. I love you and miss you Grandma and I hope that I can be stronger one day and just take a leap of faith. Do something out of the ordinary. Take a different path....be more like you :( Please visit me in my dreams and talk to me about the future, a few words of advice. A hug or just to hear you laugh again. Goodnight Grandma, please watch over our little family. xoxo
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