2004-02-11 - 2:00 a.m.
Well hell...2:00am and I am not tired at all. It only took me forever to choose a user name for this diary. I thought to myself...why not create a diary so I can bitch and bitch about things and then maybe go to sleep with a little piece of mind? Hmm...so I sign up and answer the questions and then have to pick a damn user name...quid pro quo is what I choose. I know...what the hell kind of name is that right? Well I figure that is what life is about....giving one thing in return for another...and thats how this all started lmao.
I swear I am not on drugs....just ranting about nothing. I guess today just pissed me off so much and I just didn't want to bother anyone with my "petty" problems, so I decided...why not have a journal to bitch to.
Alright, I just graduated from University with a B.A in the Psychology program (don't laugh...I guess you could say this journal is a form of therapy...damn Freud and his theories!). So I guess it is Cathartic? hmm...I don't think I learned anything from my 4 years in University....I think this is why I have run into so many problems.
So I graduated and then thought...now what the hell do I do? So I went back to work at my crappy job at a fast food restaurant because I had 40,000 bux worth of loans for school to pay off. So I worked my ass off...and bought a house all in 6 months. So the only house I could afford that was actually decent is 1 hour away from my job...and trust me, I am not gonna commute for 9 bux/hour. Soooo...I am jobless until I move into my new home and then I have to find what my mom calls "a real job"....grrrr.
So my parents are a major part of why I need this journal...lol...they drive me nuts sometimes (no...all the time!) and I am too nice to tell them to take a hike! I am bombarded daily with questions like "when will you get married?" "when will you get a good job?" "are you gonna buy a car?" blah blah...shut up for god's sake lol. I am single...so getting married is somewhat out of the question unless it is to my job? Awww...I love you burger and fries...will you marry me? Grrrr.
So right now I live at home with my mom and dad and my sister...my sister has her times...she is like jekyll and hyde I swear...so I am sure my journals will be full of stories depicting her as the biggest ass that walked the planet.
I don't hate everyone...I am just bitter right now. I am hoping that things will change in my life that will actually make me appreciate it. I am bored and tired of trying to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be doing with my life...I wish things would just magically fall into place and I wouldn't have to make anymore hard decisions. This is obviously my delerious state....I am clearly not thinking straight...as if life is like this...GRRRR
Tonight I feel envious...I think I will write every night what I am feeling. Envious sums it up....I want a good job...a steady relationship...I can even go as far as saying that I want a husband and family....I actually spent a lot of tonight thinking about being pregnant...
alright...this first journal is so crummy....its so all over the place because I have so much to say and its just being typed out fast and all jumbled...next time...I will try to collect my thoughts...ah hell...who am I kidding? my journal will be an incoherent mess....please feel free to decipher it if you want :)
