2004-07-18 - 12:33 p.m.
Have you ever woken up angry? Just ready for a fight? Its almost like you have dreamt all night about the things that bother you the most and then you wake up to the sunshine and your fists are ready to punch and your pulse is racing, what a weird feeling. Then for the rest of the day, everything pisses you off and you remember the times that have pissed you off in the past and you collectively start to put these memories together to form an overall anger that just rages.
My family pisses me off, I can't help it. I don't understand them and I think it has something to do with the fact that I seem to be the only rational person in my family. I feel like I do way too much for them,and I know I definitely put up with too much of their crap. My mother can't even pay her bills, so she puts my name on her bills without my permission so she can blackmail me with "bad credit" for the rest of my life. What kind of person does this? I know legally I can get out of it, but still, it makes me hate my mother more and more everyday. Sometimes I am pissed that I wake up and other days simple things like sheep in a field with paint on their backs make me want to see the next day, again, I can't explain it, its weird.
I am hoping one day I will wake up with a plan for my life, this one I am living now is going to destroy me. I know this, however I can't change it yet....so for now, I will write and it doesn't matter if I don't voice it, its written and to me, thats validation enough.
