2005-05-28 - 1:33 p.m.
Well I have the house to myself today and its a relief. I value the time I have by myself....maybe a little too much because I have decided that I much prefer to be alone, and when too many people are around I can't handle it and wish that I could be in some corner by myself...alone. I guess I lead a very unusual life....working at a job that I am too educated to be working at....I own a house and a car yet I still live with my parents and I can't seem to find the strength in myself to move on and to make a meaningful life for myself. The people at work find me to be an oddity. I have yet to have had a meaningful relationship with a guy and to them, that is the most obsurd thing ever. They are convinced that I would not only enjoy life a lot more but I would value it also. At this point in my life I have yet to learn to value it...what for? I seem to be the one that has to fix everything, pay for everything and along the way I am bitched at and ridiculed for it.
My driving skills are improving and I think I am almost ready to take the road test, thank god, because I need to leave the shithole I work at and get a professional job. However, it seems every step I take my family bitches at me and I get all scared and take 10 steps back. I wish they could just leave me alone and let me take life at my own pace....I know I can do it. I feel like I have no one on my side.....I don't know what that says about me....am I the cause of my own problems? Everyone seems to have something to say about me....I just wish I could just vanish at my own will. I have always dreamt that one day when I had enough money I would just move away and start a life completely away from the one I have...new contacts...perhaps even a new country. It doesn't matter, everyone I know seems to want to tell me how to live my life...these are the people I must get away from, this is a promise I will make to myself...that I will get away from this insanity some time soon....as soon as I can. As for now I will just take this day to relax and continue my daydreaming without any interruptions.
