2004-08-01 - 1:07 p.m.
So today is August 1st, the first of the month,the perfect time of the month to start a plan of change in one's life. The first of the month is easy cause then you can always remember that date you started the "plan". I have done this before, but then something comes up and I forget about my plan and then I am too lazy to start it up again.
However, I am wanting to kinda start a new life, like I have said before, the one I am living is boring and I hate it basically. I need to start by getting healthier mentally and physically. So of course today is the start of the "diet". I don't technically diet but I am cutting out the salt the fatty shit from my diet and planning on exercising a bit more than what I already do now....which is nothing. I feel like shit these days and I know for a fact that I feel better about myself and have more confidence in myself when I am looking and feeling great and this can only come from changing the things that make me feel bad about myself....numero uno...my weight.
Then I can move onto finding things that will make me happy, I don't know what that is yet and I am hoping to find out soon cause I am starting to worry about my mental health. Is it normal for someone to feel this way almost all the time? How can someone hate their life a lot? even when there isnt much to hate but the bordem. I am just bored and again, I need to do something about it but I lack the confidence and this cycle is painful. One day I will figure it out, I hope this is just a stage, I can't do this forever, its makes me too tired, I think too much. I remember a time when I was happy, at least I think I do....if I can just stay in that state for some time, then I know I can get past this. I need a life!
