2004-07-04 - 12:44 p.m.
Alright, so while i was falling asleep the other night I couldn't help but think about my life, my entire life. It didn't take too long to realize that all my life I have felt like I have had to take care of people. Actually, I felt forced to take care of others and to skip on all those fun things kids got to do.
Being poor, you are aware of the fact that you have to work extra hard to get the things you want, even if they were basic. So at an early age I realized that I should work to make money for the things I could never have (I.E-shoes, clothes without holes,food that wasn't from a box or can). So I babysat like crazy and took care of the food shortage we always seemed to have in the house, helped to pay the bills that my parents couldn't pay with their welfare cheques. Mom and dad both not working made it impossible for me not to take care of everyone else. So I have realized for many years I have taken care of my family and other peoples families and I have decided it isn't something I want to do anymore.
I began to think about why I have never cared about getting a boyfriend and getting married and having kids, and I think its because for the first time in my life...I don't want to take care of other people. I don't want a boyfriend that I have to care for, and children that will need to be cared for until they are 18....I just want my own life for once...just me. I am tired of affording people things, I have afforded my parents a house and a car and yet...I have nothing, so what the hell am I doing with my life? It may sound harsh, but I don't want to do it anymore. I wish my parents were more responsible because it makes me feel like a fool. As for the rest of my family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc.) I don't want anything to do with them, I am so sorry that you guys are too rich to get to know who I am. Thats fine, when you die I won't even take the time to dance on your grave. Actually, I won't even take the time to try and remember you. You have already begun to slip from my conscious thoughts and you will continue to fade because I am not going to let it bother me anymore. So this is to everyone that depended on me...piss off.
