2015-06-28 - 11:08 p.m.
I am not done taking care of people. I don't think as human beings that we truly stop having to care for others. I am watching my dad deteriorate into someone I am not familiar with. I have to learn to love a new person. His condition has robbed him of who he is and has replaced him with a small child.
I do believe that I am beginning to understand Alzheimer's in a way that I never thought I would have to comprehend. I get to see first hand what it is like to lose cognitive abilities and to struggle with menial tasks.
I used to be angry with him and not have the patience. I have to try harder to have patience. It's hard when his struggles and his frustration are so severe and I just get so angry. I am angry for him and I am angry at myself. I am angry at his mother who kept his condition a secret until it was too late. I can't turn back the clocks and moving forward is all I can do. I will do my best to take care of him and be patient and understanding. I want him to be comfortable and feel loved.
On that note. I need to take better care of myself. I need to keep focused and keep my brain sharp! I know that an individuals condition is a combination of genetics and environmental triggers. Everyone has their vice whether it be alcohol, drugs, food addictions or just a plain bad attitude and I need to make sure I try my best to keep those environmental pressures at bay. I haven't been too successful with this lately. I have kind of been in a strange mood with conflicts at work and home. I have veered from my regular routine and have to get back to taking care of me. Let's face it....I have to be around for those I care for and be there to care for them in any way they need to be cared for. I hope I don't "lose" my dad too soon. I haven't been given enough notice.
