2004-11-08 - 2:05 a.m.
Isn't the fist snowfall the greatest thing you can ever witness? I love it, its one thing I can say that I look forward to each year. As much as I hate the snow and ice and slush....I think the first snowfall is wonderful. Its like a fairy tale because it always seems to fall just right. Its very early this year, but that does not suprise me at all considering we had an awful summer. I just only wish that I had someone to walk under the falling snow with. Its too late and everyone I know is sleeping. There are no cars on the road either...everything looks so peaceful and that is what I am striving to accomplish. Peace.
I wish you could see the snow falling right now, its almost like a dance...and the snowflakes are big and fluffy. Usually I am excited about seeing the snow fall and I get right into the christmas spirit. But this year its especially hard to feel anything...except yearning for another chance at childhood. I am quite sad and can't let anyone know. I love christmas and its not about me receiving gifts...its that I love to give them...I love the christmas food and seeing family. But this year will be different and perhaps the most difficult christmas I have yet to experience. I wish I could do more..but under the circumstances, it seems inevitable that this christmas will be all about the tree and thats about it. I insisted...if we couldn't have gifts or a huge wonderful dinner...that at least we decorate the tree. I need that, I need to be reassured that not everything has gone to shit. It will still make me sad to see it....but these times won't last for long, I hope. I know I can get through this, its hearing about everyone else's wonderful christmas' that will make me sad...not because I hate that they have more than me, but that they know we don't have much, yet they always manage to show us how much more than us they have...I hold my thoughts as usual, store it away with everything else that torments me. Tomorrow I am out in the snow and thats a promise, I need to get out of this house I am so bored. The snow is still falling and I am off to sleep while I still have dreamy thoughts of falling snow and snowman and sleding and the best snowball fights you could ever imagine. P.S... Packing snow works best.
